20. Pride... the good kind.
Well, life at the Hagwan has gotten rather frustrating of late. Part of it, I think, is the fact that I have been teaching for 10 months straight, and if I was in Canada, or Belize, or other such places, I’d be on holiday right now… a nice 2 month holiday to rest and recuperate. But, well, there’s more to it than that. It sort of feels like our boss is conducting an experiment to see how far he can push us before we snap. Extra classes, ridiculous demands… we also just found out that some of my coworkers were being followed around by the owner of our school for a while to see what they got up to in their off hours. And there’s a possibility (in fact, a high probability) that she was snooping around in some of our apartments. It’s all rather ridiculous. A phrase I’ve found myself using a lot recently to explain my state of mind is “I love my work, don’t like my job so much.”
But I do… love my work I mean. And to demonstrate (and to help lift my own spirits tonight) I thought I’d write a post about a few moments I’ve had recently that have brought me great joy. The first ones are rather minor, but I’ll build up to a grand finale, so don’t worry!
One of the things I’m always so proud to see are things that my kids pick up that I don’t actually teach, they just hear me say all the time. I’ve recently started hearing my kids refer to each other as ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey’… and I’m really the only way they could have heard those expressions, so that delights me! Plus, they’ve all recently begun to say ‘whoopsi-daisy’ when they make a mistake… which is another Jenny-Teacherism they’ve picked up.
But I’ll move on to some more significant things I’ve seen recently (like in the past week or two). In order for you to understand the significance of these you need to understand my philosophy on ‘tattletaling’… if you’ve done any form of childcare with me, you’ve likely heard it, but for the rest of you I’ll explain. I cringe when I hear a child called a ‘tattletale’, especially by an adult. I think that children should come to us with their problems or concerns, no matter how minor. I know it’s annoying, and I know I’ve had to bite my tongue to stop from snapping at a child when they’ve come to me for the 37th time to tell me that “Sally is using her pen, Teacher!” But I still let them do it. The reasoning behind this is that I’ve just seen it happen a few times where a child is being victimized in some way (either by adults or their peers), but their fear of being perceived as a tattletale is bigger in their mind than the stuff that is happening to them. I don’t think it’s reasonable for us as adults to expect all children to be able to make a distinction between what is worth telling and what is worth ignoring. So I make that distinction for them. They come and they tell me that “Sally is using her pen.” or “Brian is sitting backwards on his chair,” or other such nonsense, and if I think it’s not important I simply say ‘okay’, and the kids seem to be okay with that. I’ve acknowledged what they said, but I don’t really do anything about it unless it’s, well, important to me as the teacher.
Whew, that was a long explanation. But there is a payoff; I promise… well, at least there is to me. As the kids have gotten older and more mature (it’s amazing how you can see their personalities developing… I really do love working with kids), I’ve begun to say things to them like “Don’t be worried about what other people are doing,” when they come to me to ‘tattle’ on each other. And about 2 weeks ago I heard them start to say it to each other! And beyond that, they’ve kind of stopped telling on each other. Mostly. I don’t think that will ever fully go away, but it has been really neat to watch that dynamic change so quickly.
Another version of the ‘tattling’ thing comes in when a kid gets their feelings hurt, sometimes intentionally, sometimes (and from what I see in my class, most of the time) accidentally. The kids will all be playing with each other – verbally sparring as much as they can in their second language as 5 and 6 year olds – you know, “You are married to a crayon!” “No, you are married to a window!” And everyone is laughing, but then they say it to the wrong person and suddenly there are tears and demands that I punish and I don’t want to because they were only playing, but someone is actually hurt so I need to do something… you know, the 5 year old version of “Drama!”. So about 2 months ago I started saying this to them. “She said you were married to a window? Is that true?” To which the child replies, through tears, “No!” And I say, “Well then, they are just being silly.” Silly being a word I use to describe myself to them all the time when I say ridiculous things like how I spent my weekend playing with a dinosaur or whatever, so they know it is a word that can mean ‘funny, but not true.’
Well, imagine my delight today when I overheard this exchange.
Sally: “Jim is married with a chair!”
Jim: “You are just being silly. That is not true.”
I had to restrain myself from jumping out of my seat and pulling him into a bear hug. As it was, I praised him to the skies… and joy of joys, heard a few of my other kids say that to each other today, so I think that one has now stuck.
I’ve saved the best one for last. Of course, none of these may be particularly exciting for you guys, but this one I am so proud of.
Brian is one of my original students… and one of the students that when I got him, I really didn’t like. He was whiny and vengeful. And kind of a wuss (for a 5 year old). Any injury, whether real or imagined, and he would scream and whine and demand to be taken to the Korean staff who would envelop him in hugs (rewarding his behavior, or course). It took ages to break him of that. But I have… he’s really developing into a little man and it’s wonderful to see. The vengefulness was another animal altogether. He could hold a grudge for a remarkably long time (for a 5 year old) and lash out rather unexpectedly, with punches, kicks, scratches, bites, or destroying his classmates work. I worked long and hard to get him to tell me when he was angry instead of holding grudges and hurting his classmates long after they’d forgotten what they’d done to him… of course, for a while I had him telling me he was angry while hurting his classmates… or telling me he was angry and then walking over and punching the person he was angry at. That was a frustrating stage. I’ve had so many talks with him about his anger, and how there is never any hitting… especially no hitting girls (I’m not usually such a stickler for the ‘boys don’t hit girls’ at this young age, but wife beating is so prevalent here that I think it’s a good idea to get that into their heads as early as possible). Well, today, he became furious with one of his classmates, I’m still not sure why. He was standing in line and Annie did something that made him mad, so he started yelling at her, but mid yell, realized what he was doing and turned and yelled at me. He was so angry, that his yell was kind of unintelligible; all I caught was “Teacher!!! Annie… me… no!!!” and then he hauled off and punched the wall as hard as he could.
Well, I ran over there and pulled him out of line, and was in the middle of telling him how that behavior was unacceptable when I suddenly realized how far he’d come. He didn’t hold a grudge and start punching Annie half an hour later during phonics time. He didn’t wait until art and destroy her project. He remembered to tell me immediately, and he didn’t hit her… he hit something that couldn’t be hurt. I’m sure it was pretty confusing for him to go from being scolded to being praised, but really, he deserves some credit. That was a big step. Of course, his had was red and sore for the next hour (he hit the wall pretty hard, Annie would have been bleeding), and when he showed it to me I shrugged and said “That’s what happens when you punch the wall,” because as far as he’s come, punching a wall is not the best I want for him. But I’m still proud of him, and proud of myself for helping him get there. I’m more proud of that than of any English I’ve taught, actually. And I think that’s okay.
But I do… love my work I mean. And to demonstrate (and to help lift my own spirits tonight) I thought I’d write a post about a few moments I’ve had recently that have brought me great joy. The first ones are rather minor, but I’ll build up to a grand finale, so don’t worry!
One of the things I’m always so proud to see are things that my kids pick up that I don’t actually teach, they just hear me say all the time. I’ve recently started hearing my kids refer to each other as ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey’… and I’m really the only way they could have heard those expressions, so that delights me! Plus, they’ve all recently begun to say ‘whoopsi-daisy’ when they make a mistake… which is another Jenny-Teacherism they’ve picked up.
But I’ll move on to some more significant things I’ve seen recently (like in the past week or two). In order for you to understand the significance of these you need to understand my philosophy on ‘tattletaling’… if you’ve done any form of childcare with me, you’ve likely heard it, but for the rest of you I’ll explain. I cringe when I hear a child called a ‘tattletale’, especially by an adult. I think that children should come to us with their problems or concerns, no matter how minor. I know it’s annoying, and I know I’ve had to bite my tongue to stop from snapping at a child when they’ve come to me for the 37th time to tell me that “Sally is using her pen, Teacher!” But I still let them do it. The reasoning behind this is that I’ve just seen it happen a few times where a child is being victimized in some way (either by adults or their peers), but their fear of being perceived as a tattletale is bigger in their mind than the stuff that is happening to them. I don’t think it’s reasonable for us as adults to expect all children to be able to make a distinction between what is worth telling and what is worth ignoring. So I make that distinction for them. They come and they tell me that “Sally is using her pen.” or “Brian is sitting backwards on his chair,” or other such nonsense, and if I think it’s not important I simply say ‘okay’, and the kids seem to be okay with that. I’ve acknowledged what they said, but I don’t really do anything about it unless it’s, well, important to me as the teacher.
Whew, that was a long explanation. But there is a payoff; I promise… well, at least there is to me. As the kids have gotten older and more mature (it’s amazing how you can see their personalities developing… I really do love working with kids), I’ve begun to say things to them like “Don’t be worried about what other people are doing,” when they come to me to ‘tattle’ on each other. And about 2 weeks ago I heard them start to say it to each other! And beyond that, they’ve kind of stopped telling on each other. Mostly. I don’t think that will ever fully go away, but it has been really neat to watch that dynamic change so quickly.
Another version of the ‘tattling’ thing comes in when a kid gets their feelings hurt, sometimes intentionally, sometimes (and from what I see in my class, most of the time) accidentally. The kids will all be playing with each other – verbally sparring as much as they can in their second language as 5 and 6 year olds – you know, “You are married to a crayon!” “No, you are married to a window!” And everyone is laughing, but then they say it to the wrong person and suddenly there are tears and demands that I punish and I don’t want to because they were only playing, but someone is actually hurt so I need to do something… you know, the 5 year old version of “Drama!”. So about 2 months ago I started saying this to them. “She said you were married to a window? Is that true?” To which the child replies, through tears, “No!” And I say, “Well then, they are just being silly.” Silly being a word I use to describe myself to them all the time when I say ridiculous things like how I spent my weekend playing with a dinosaur or whatever, so they know it is a word that can mean ‘funny, but not true.’
Well, imagine my delight today when I overheard this exchange.
Sally: “Jim is married with a chair!”
Jim: “You are just being silly. That is not true.”
I had to restrain myself from jumping out of my seat and pulling him into a bear hug. As it was, I praised him to the skies… and joy of joys, heard a few of my other kids say that to each other today, so I think that one has now stuck.
I’ve saved the best one for last. Of course, none of these may be particularly exciting for you guys, but this one I am so proud of.
Brian is one of my original students… and one of the students that when I got him, I really didn’t like. He was whiny and vengeful. And kind of a wuss (for a 5 year old). Any injury, whether real or imagined, and he would scream and whine and demand to be taken to the Korean staff who would envelop him in hugs (rewarding his behavior, or course). It took ages to break him of that. But I have… he’s really developing into a little man and it’s wonderful to see. The vengefulness was another animal altogether. He could hold a grudge for a remarkably long time (for a 5 year old) and lash out rather unexpectedly, with punches, kicks, scratches, bites, or destroying his classmates work. I worked long and hard to get him to tell me when he was angry instead of holding grudges and hurting his classmates long after they’d forgotten what they’d done to him… of course, for a while I had him telling me he was angry while hurting his classmates… or telling me he was angry and then walking over and punching the person he was angry at. That was a frustrating stage. I’ve had so many talks with him about his anger, and how there is never any hitting… especially no hitting girls (I’m not usually such a stickler for the ‘boys don’t hit girls’ at this young age, but wife beating is so prevalent here that I think it’s a good idea to get that into their heads as early as possible). Well, today, he became furious with one of his classmates, I’m still not sure why. He was standing in line and Annie did something that made him mad, so he started yelling at her, but mid yell, realized what he was doing and turned and yelled at me. He was so angry, that his yell was kind of unintelligible; all I caught was “Teacher!!! Annie… me… no!!!” and then he hauled off and punched the wall as hard as he could.Well, I ran over there and pulled him out of line, and was in the middle of telling him how that behavior was unacceptable when I suddenly realized how far he’d come. He didn’t hold a grudge and start punching Annie half an hour later during phonics time. He didn’t wait until art and destroy her project. He remembered to tell me immediately, and he didn’t hit her… he hit something that couldn’t be hurt. I’m sure it was pretty confusing for him to go from being scolded to being praised, but really, he deserves some credit. That was a big step. Of course, his had was red and sore for the next hour (he hit the wall pretty hard, Annie would have been bleeding), and when he showed it to me I shrugged and said “That’s what happens when you punch the wall,” because as far as he’s come, punching a wall is not the best I want for him. But I’m still proud of him, and proud of myself for helping him get there. I’m more proud of that than of any English I’ve taught, actually. And I think that’s okay.
posted by JJ at 5:03 AM
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